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Obviously, a high-powered Democratic operative like Podesta would never simply hold fundraisers at a pizza restaurant or be in contact with its owner, who’s a big supporter of the Democratic party, so it all added up to one completely obvious conclusion: every mention of “pizza” in the Podesta emails was code for child molestation and trafficking.

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Charlie and his ex, Jennifer, are having an issue with how Charlie still tries to manage her life when Cleo—one of Charlie's patients from his prison anger therapy group—shows up on his doorstep, fresh out on parole.The Internet Idiot Conspiracy Sphere and real life collided Sunday, this time resulting in actual gunfire, but happily no injuries or loss of life.Seems a heavily armed North Carolina gentleman, Edgar Maddison Welch, just had to find out for himself whether there was any truth to fake internet stories about a child sex ring being run by Hillary Clinton, John Podesta, and several thousand others, all operating out of a Washington DC pizza place, Comet Ping Pong.Look, there are a whole bunch of videos tying it all together with Occam’s Duct Tape and scary music, so you know it has to be true.The Washington Post reports that employees of Comet Ping Pong and other businesses in the area have been targeted for harassment and death threats by people who are absolutely convinced that Hillary Clinton is part of a pedophile ring, because such a thing makes perfect sense: Even Michael Flynn, a retired general whom President-elect Donald Trump has tapped to advise him on national security, shared stories about another anti-Clinton conspiracy theory involving pedophilia. But the fake stories and threats persisted, some even aimed at children of Comet Ping Pong employees and patrons.So he did the logically natural thing: He drove to DC, went into the restaurant with two guns, pointed a gun at an employee, fired at least one shot into the floor, and after employees and customers fled, commenced to “investigate” whether there was any pedophile slave ring evidence to be found in the restaurant. Welch was arrested without further incident after scaring the shit out of several blocks of northwest DC, after police had surrounded the restaurant for about 45 minutes.

You know, like the network of tunnels and sex dungeons under the restaurant that a bunch of Trumpers, with an assist from Wikileaks, said was definitely there. According to police reports, Welch was armed with an AR-15 variant semiautomatic rifle, and police also seized a shotgun and a .38 caliber handgun; one of those other weapons was found in Welch’s car, although it’s not clear which.Jennifer decides to get back at Charlie by dating the ex-con.Charlie gets an unexpected visit from his hyper-critical, bullying father (Martin Sheen), who tells him he is moving to town to be closer to him; in the therapy group, Charlie attempts to help Lacey with road rage.Any kind of squiggle or heart design looks exactly like a supposed FBI document from Wikileaks listing all the known secret code symbols for pedophile rings — urban legends site Snopes notes that it was unable to verify whether it’s a real document, but slides from the thing did appear on so that’s evidence of a sex ring in a coffee shop, right?We should note that after Yr Wonket mocked a part of the conspiracy tale, we also received some very outraged comments from people who accused us of covering up Clinton’s crimes, although we have so far managed not to get any death threats, apparently because we’re only gullible sheeple who can’t think for ourselves like the smart folks who know all the pedophile sex code words.After Charlie and Kate have sex, he innocently asks her if she wants to go to a movie.

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